Month: November 2014

Good Date. Bad Timing.

Saturday I took another arrow from OkCupid and went out with another musician. This time, a part-time drummer and future full- time doctor. He wants to be a pediatrician. Those who know me know my dislike for children. Props to him for wanting to deal with crying kids all day. He was an average height, blonde hair, blue eyed 26-year-old from a big Greek family. Oldest of six! Another one good on paper! Our date was at Le Parisian in Kips Bay. Adorable little French brunch place.

But, remember he is a “future” doctor and not currently one. I appreciate the ambition and definitely a desirable career but I have had many friends go through their residency and fall off the face of the Earth. Hence, prefacing this date as “good” but with “bad” timing. He doesn’t even know where he will be doing his residency, which starts in six months, so I’m 100% skeptical to get involved as more than friends with this one. Just trying to steer clear of future problems better than Captain Smith of the Titanic.

Overall, conversation was enjoyable enough to continue onto Cask next door for one more beverage before going our separate ways. I had a bag of purple pom poms and college football to watch. Priorities folks. I think my favorite part of the conversation was when we both discussed how our Grandmothers would cook lamb and the different ways to cook it. Then he lost his train of thought and I just rambled “Mary had a little lamb” and “Lambchop” references. He said that is a tendency of schizophrenia. I was just playing some word association to help him regain his train of thought. I am completely sane but it is still funny though. He tried to kiss me at the bar. I appreciated the initiative but I didn’t feel the moment was right for a “first kiss” at a bar ar 3:30 in the afternoon. Cheesy sounding enough that I should have had some cheese with my wine at Cask I suppose. If he asked me out again I would definitely consider, but proceed with caution. He actually will be in the same city as me over the weekend after Thanksgiving so he mentioned meeting up there. We will see how the schedules match up and if there is a second date with “Dr. Drums.”

Starting this weekend, I will be in the Sunshine State for two weeks and then Christmas is here before you know it. I personally am annoyed when someone takes me on a date before they leave for an extended period of time so I plan on extending common courtesy to the male population for now. Tis the season to put dating on the back burner and cookies in the oven instead. Holiday cheer will be maintained by some entertaining stories I have accumulated from my first year of dating in NYC. Perhaps have the sugar cookies already made though because there is nothing sweet about these stories.

Out of Tune

Looks like Jazz Man and I won’t be making beautiful melodies together after all. The Friday night date didn’t happen, which is 100% ok. I was in Astoria having dinner with my good friend “Coco” at Marketa and Jazz Man was finishing up a performance in midtown. I was running about 30 minutes behind our scheduled 9pm time and he told me he had to head back to New Jersey by 11 in order to catch the last train. This would just give us about an hour and a half for date time.

This just turned me off and also the two pitchers of Sangria Coco and I had had turned me pretty lit up, so I canceled on him. I finally got those tacos, but from my former love, The Taco Truck, in Astoria and went back home.

Jazz Man wasn’t really my type in all actuality anyway. Yes, he was a bigger man but he was insecure about it. It is one thing to be a bigger person but still maintain confidence. It is another to be insecure and clearly be doing nothing about it. He kept asking throughout the course of our conversations “why is a girl like you talking to me?” Because I like your personality? Which, I did until the insecurities surfaced. I also appreciate a man who takes care of himself. I don’t need a six-pack but please respect your body. I’m glad it ended nicely with me saying New Jersey is geographically undesirable instead of saying his body is sexually undesirable.

While we are still in Jersey, please see my most recent OkCupid message from a real winner, a 33-year-old Adam in Hoboken, and my sarcastic responses. I promptly blocked him after sending the last message:

IMG_1624.PNG

What have I re-learned here? Stay away from the Jersey boys. Please keep your arrows pointed in Manhattan, Cupid.

Thirsty Thursday

It was a rainy Thursday night in NYC and typically I would’ve called it a night after my friend’s charity event at The Royal in the East Village but Tinder “A” just looked so cute and the conversation was enlightening enough for a spontaneous beverage. Thank God I only agreed to one drink as he looked NOTHING like his pictures when he walked into the Alphabet City speakeasy, Pouring Ribbons. The bar was adorable, he was not. This was like Jonah Hill walking in, instead of Paul Rudd.

The conversation was bearable and he wasn’t horribly unattractive but I was turned off by his lack of looking like his pictures and then even though he was eight months younger than me, he looked eight years older than me. He had just gotten off work. Finance industry of course, and showed up in a suit. But, looked five years old and fifty pounds heavier than his Tinder pictures. #tinderfail.

Upon being asked if I wanted a second glass of red wine, I politely declined and legitimately blamed my juice cleanse I had done earlier in the week for making me a tad tipsy, which I was. I should have just gone home prior to this because I got stuck on the L train due to a passenger walking in the subway tunnel. “If you’re going to kill yourself don’t do it on my time,” said a disgruntled passenger in my subway car. It was a sensitive night, I suppose.

The night still felt young for me. I had been talking to this one guy, Jazz Man, for a few days and he had initially invited me out for his post concert party for Thursday night but I respectfully declined as I felt that was a little much to meet him and his fellow orchestra and show members right away. So after surviving the suicide L train and taking a Local 4 train (rough … I’m taking the MTA subways not working in my favor that neither of these guys are meant to be) I met up with Jazz Man after his party. His idea.

We met on OkCupid initially and had so much in common. Musicians, Catholics, close to family etc. I also appreciated his responsiveness in messages and questions. I “Wow’d” him with my questions of “alto, tenor or bari” when he told me he played the saxophone. Little did he know I played the French horn for 12 years and jazz trumpet for six years. I met him out at The Jeffrey on E 60th with one of his friends and we had a good time over a drink. The bar closed early, around 2am, so we headed out with plans to meet today, Friday. We shall see if I follow through as I’m obviously tired from being out late for Thirsty Thursday and I’m not sure Jazz Man is my type. Besides music, we may not have much more in common. At least he was well represented in his pictures on OkCupid and I didn’t get catfished twice in one night. Looking back, I should have just gone to Otto’s Tacos for a fish taco instead of the two dates.

Major-ly Married

Last night I had this dream validating why I haven’t heard from “Major-ly Married.” In this dream I discovered he was in town and I found a marriage license in his apartment. The dream was so vivid, there was a lot of yelling and I feel like it provided closure and the cutting loose of my hopes from hearing from him again.

I had two solid dates with this guy the end of October. He definitely was good on paper. A Major in the military, 32 years old, close to his family, got his doctorate from a pristine University in Europe and now a professor at a University in NY state. I come from a military family so his background definitely intrigued me and I appreciated he was from below the Mason Dixon line. He was very formal, articulate, educated and endearing. He also lives in a condo building on Central Park West directly across the park from me. Walk out his door and there’s Central Park. Classiest #walkofshame ever.

We met on OkCupid and his first line to me was regarding how I say “y’all” and he says “sir” and how both of us get looks here in the city using these terms. After a few messages exchanged he asks for me number and then actually CALLS. Now this is rare for a guy to call. Rare like getting a taxi in the rain on 42nd St. kind of rare. Once we finally touch base we have a great conversation (he had that Southern twang so I was hooked), realize we are both free THAT night so we go out. So, “Major” ventures across Central Park to meet me at a tapas place, Soujourn, on the Upper East Side. He was adorable when I walked in. Tan sweater over a button up, probable about 5’9”, blonde hair and blue eyes. Just my type. We had great conversation and he was such a gentleman. I was smitten and even prematurely texted my Ginger Friend that I could marry him. He had two glasses of wine and I enjoyed a glass of wine and then was craving a dirty martini. But, ordered it with Tito’s Vodka (Texas represent) and the bartender delivered it as a “Dirty Tito.” Love. After almost an hour and a half he mentioned how he had some friends from when he lived in Germany in town and he didn’t want his night to end with me so he invited me to come with. I wasn’t too keen on meeting friends right away but he was insistent.

So we took a cab to a German beer hall in midtown. It was very chill and I chatted with one of his good friends who was praising his friend and what a good guy he is. After an awful grapefruit beer (I commend him for getting me something fruity) he feels pretty bad for taking me to a beer hall so we take a cab to the Upper West Side to Burke and Wills Speakeasy. Casual ploy to get me on his side of the park – sneaky bastard. This Speakeasy is amazing! I had the best cocktail ever – salt and pepper vodka martini with a tomato in it. Purely delicious. I highly recommend it. Then after the Speakeasy, I was easily persuaded back to his place, the aforementioned great condo building and studio apartment within.

That was a Thursday. Saturday, I CALLED him after a victorious TCU football game and invited him out with my friends. Hey, I met his. He can meet some of mine. I was vague as to where we were going, just said he should join us in the East Village. Well, we ended up at a K-Pop Karaoke bar in the East Village. The fact that I invited a guy to sing karaoke with me gives and idea on the amount of beverages I had indulged in during the game. Lo and behold, Major showed up! I felt we had a great time! He even sang some songs. Definitely a Bass singer. Went well with my Soprano self. Surely, I was intoxicated with vodka and likeness for him. After we got back to his place (where he made me what he claimed is one of George W. Bush’s favorite drinks) and discussed politics, family and life, we both expressed “I like you.” This was adorable and I thought finally, a man who can express feelings and also the fact that we shared mutual feelings was blissful and rare.

This was all three weeks ago. What’s the latest? Nothing. Absolutely no word from him. I called him that Sunday and no answer. He didn’t seem like the type of guy not to acknowledge a call. We texted briefly on Halloween and the Saturday after. I dressed as OkCupid for Halloween and on our first date he was interested in my costume, so I shared it with him. Saturday was two brief texts about college football and notta. In his defense, Major told me during our very first phone call that he felt back because he was going to be leaving for a few days starting the Tuesday after we first met, Oct 28. He stated he was going to Virginia and then to Europe. When we bid farewell I wished him a good, safe trip. We kissed goodbye and parted ways. I walked through Central Park home and figured we would keep in touch. After all, he SAID he liked me, right? And, I really liked him and was looking forward to seeing where things would go.

So, that is my theory in all this? I believe there is another woman. Perhaps even a wife. Major is major-ly married in my mind. When something is too good to be true it usually is. Also, as part of my theory, he is in the military. Men in the military typically are settled down before 32. Also, when thinking about it, his studio apartment was not personalized. No pictures of people, and very basic. Either his personality was as vanilla as his decor and “certain skills” or it was a temporary living arrangement. My thought, is the latter, and that he has a wife, fiance, girlfriend in Virginia or even back in Europe. True or not, I have not heard from him and I definitely refrained from contacting him after the college football text conversation. Then, last night, I had that dream.

Perhaps my karaoke singing sent him away. But, even if he is legitimately single, this is easy for me to move on from anyway. To quote Candace Bushnell with Samantha Jones from “Sex and the City” – “You know what they say. Good on paper. Bad in bed.” Amen, Samantha. Amen.

Tinder is Red, OkCupid is Blue …

Finding love was the last thing on my mind when I moved to New York City in the Summer of 2013. I moved here on a one way flight with three suitcases, a one month sublet and nine interviews in hopes of landing the start of my career. The reason “love” was the last thing on my mind was because every time I would visit NYC years prior I always found someone – a weekend fling you could say. It wasn’t until I moved here and actually got into a dating groove I realized the allure of me to these guys when I visited was that I did not live here and that I would be gone in a few days. Hence me not really hearing much from them once I returned back below the Mason Dixon line.

I look at New York City dating as walking through a candy store. You want a little bit of everything and five steps away is something that may be a little bit better. There are thousands of potential bachelors and bachelorettes in this city so the dating easily becomes a #grassisgreener mentality. So why settle on one bachelor when there are thousands at our fingertips? Literally, and for free, thanks to apps like Tinder, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, etc. But, now that I am settled in my career and my Upper East Side apartment I no longer want to be strolling through this bottomless candy store and looking at profile after profile. I’m in no rush and am content being single in the city, but it would be nice to have someone bring me a box of chocolates with a bottle of red wine to enjoy this upcoming winter with and see where things go.I’m not out looking for my husband, but I’d be lucky to find that one man at the same place in his life to share experiences in this amazing city.

Until then, I’m filtering through all the “NO’s” and they have no lack of entertainment value for me to share. So, grab some vino or a dirty martini and enjoy my dating experiences as I swipe my way through New York City with online dating apps and the occasional public transit encounter. Cheers!

the-dirty-martini