Month: January 2015

Nightmare on 33rd Street

Another flashback Friday date since I’ve been spending more time with Spencer and the Criminal Minds team than out on new dates lately. In January 2014 I went out on a date with a guy from OkCupid. We will call him Freddy. Freddy and I met up on a cold January weekday night at a speakeasy in midtown called Middle Branch. I was very impressed with his choice! It was a speakeasy and I had not heard of it. He had a reservation for us upstairs so we waited downstairs a few minutes until our table was ready. Before the date he made it known that he was going to “grab a slice of pizza,” which means he isn’t going to be shelling out the dollar bills for dinner. It was too late for me to grab a bite for myself and at this point I was just meeting after work and not going back home to Queens (where I lived at the time). So, I met up for drinks on a empty stomach. Classic.

We probably spent about two hours at the speakeasy discussing all kinds of things from family to careers. I was in a career transition at the time and had just found out I got my exciting new job so I was on a high with that. My personality definitely was overbearing for this poor kid. After about two drinks I was thoroughly bored and he was insistent upon having another one. Probably the most exciting thing he shared with me was that his uncle was a director/producer of scary movies. One, in fact that gave me horrible nightmares as a child. This should’ve been my red flag. The date ended and I got into a cab home. I did not kiss Freddy goodbye nor did I feel like I left an impression on him wanting to hang out again. I was also turned off by the fact that he had me pay half of the bill. It was a speakeasy that he picked out that clearly has expensive beverages. He knew it would be pricey and was the one insistent upon more drinks. Now, I did make one error and I will blame it on the intoxication. I did hold Freddy’s hand across the table. There were no romantic stares to associate the hand holding. Honestly, as I remember it, it was completely innocent. This later came to bite me on the behind.

I tried to give this guy the typical “fade out” where I barely respond to his messages. But, poor guy did not get the hint. And, once I broke it to him that I was “just not that into him” he went a whole different direction. I present the screenshots of the nightmarish texts after a mediocre date that also show that I, too, break hearts.

I sent him a picture of a beer pong table at a house party I was at to show that I was “busy.”

text

Note my very terse responses …

text.5

Please, tell me every thought on your mind and your every action. I’m clearly not interested.

text1

text2

I had no choice but to break it to him …

text3

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Then don’t say anything … ? So he waits 5 more days and sends a desperate plea to meet again.

text5

His uncle’s movies gave me nightmares and his texts gave me nightmares more than a Criminal Minds episode.

Crossing Friends on the Crosstown Bus

In honor of Flashback Friday here is a story of how I met two guys organically, the old fashioned way. Last summer after hanging out with my friend and her King Charles Cavalier along a grassy knoll by the Hudson with some wine, I decided to take the crosstown bus back to the east side. It was a really nice night so I walked from 59th street to the 72nd crosstown bus stop. It was probably about 9 p.m. at this time and I was waiting at a bus stop outside of some bar on Amsterdam.

One guy (you guessed it, blonde hair and blue eyes!) approached me for small talk. He was there with a tall, brown hair and brown eyed guy. After about a minute of chatter about the weekend we discovered we were all heading to the east side. We decided to share a cab, meaning, I bummed a cab ride off of the guys.

In the cab they invited me to go to a cigar bar with them. We ended up at Lexington Bar on 73rd street. Me and two successful attractive men. The one with blonde hair and blue eyes turned out to be a doctor of some sorts. He was balding but was nice. His friend, whom I found more arractive, worked at iHeart Radio, which him and I discovered we worked in the same office building! Doctor lived on the Upper East Side by me and iHeart Radio lived in Brooklyn, which I decided to nickname him as.

So here we are. Me, Doctor and Brooklyn sitting in a cigar bar on Lexington. I’m drinking some fancy cocktails and their doing their cigar thing. Multiple times I offered to let them have their boys night but they encouraged me to stay. Looking back, this could’ve turned into a Criminal Minds episode, easily. At the time this encounter occurred, The Bachelorette was midseason, so we joked a lot about the show and how we were going to use the popsicle sticks in the middle of the table (used for cigars I suppose) as roses. Both guys were great! Doctor and I played on Tinder until we swiped each other, which took like 4-5 swipes each. Dear Tinder, we were sitting next to each other and it took that long?! Brooklyn claimed to not do online dating but he definitely had no hesitation playing footsies with me under the table. I was sure to use the bathroom at least once so they could have “boy talk.” I like to think I would make an excellent Bachelorette since I managed a 2:1 date!

In the end, I gave both guys popsicle stick “roses” but Doctor declined his and Brooklyn asked for my number. A few days went by and I never heard from Brooklyn. I remembered I Tinder matched with Doctor so I sent him a message and we chatted for a bit. He inquired about me and his friend. I said I never heard from him and he said “typical.” I ended up giving my number to Doctor who in turned gave my number to Brooklyn, whom I already thought had my number. He happened to be in the Upper East Side and came over. Our hang out session included a PG-13 make out session and him texting his friend from my Tinder like he was me. Doctor then was texting Brooklyn on his phone saying “I knew you would end up over there!” They began to mess with each other share inside jokes through my Tinder so Doctor figured out it wasn’t me messaging on Tinder. Then Brooklyn texted Doctor from my phone and Doctore was furious that Brookyln gave me his number. I started to feel like I was the one being messed with when Doctor texted Brooklyn threatenin to send a screen shot of something to my phone. This was just all too immature for me. Brooklyn finally left and I deleted Doctor’s number and when I went to block him from Tinder he had already blocked me. He also had got matched with my roommate and blocked her.

The next day at work when I was leaving my building I of course ran into Brooklyn. He was playing an iHeart Radio softball game and was pretty sweaty and gross. We high fived and went our separate ways. I texted him once more the next week and never heard back. I’m assuming he probably wasn’t single or basically just a douchebag.

In the end, don’t swipe on friends. Also, use real roses instead of popsicle sticks when professing interest to a man, or well, men in this case. At least I got “the most dramatic bus story ever” out of those two fools!

Brown Eyes, Blue Personality

After a long run of dates with guys with blue eyes, I stepped outside of the box and went on a date with a brown eyed boy last night from Tinder. He was probably one of the nicest guys I have met. Over 6 feet tall, brown eyes and some brown hair. He is 31, lived in Brooklyn and works in counseling, which naturally had me assuming he was psychologically evaluating me the whole date. I did appreciate that he knew the Insights personality training I recently did at work. I’m Sunshine Yellow and he was my exact opposite color, Cool Blue. Opposites attract perhaps?

The most exciting part of my date with Brown Eyed Boy was probably Jason. The older man sitting next to us at Supply House. I’m surprised this man didn’t give me nightmares. Along with him and the 15 hours of Criminal Minds I watching this weekend, I was paranoid! I got to Supply House before Brown Eyed Boy and sat at the corner of the bar two seats away from an assumed 50 year old man. He then proceeded to scoot next to me and chit chat. He asked if I was there alone. No sir. Male or female coming he asks. Thankfully a male. “Please leave me alone” I keep thinking. I pretend to make a phone call and Brown Eyed Boy finally comes. There was another couple next to us at the bar and this Jason kept harassing all of us. He kept saying Happy New Year’s and cheering us. I was nice at first until he pet my head on his way to the bathroom. Dear sir, I am not a dog. He had asked the bartender for a check so we all assumed he was leaving so we got another drink. I asked the bartender if he was leaving and the bartender said “God, I hope so.” Jason stuck around unfortunately. He proceeded to slur his words and the bartender finally cut him off. My Brown Eyed Boy asked if it was safe to go to the bathroom. Of course, I thought I could hold my own. 20 seconds later Jason was in attack mode. Said something horribly inappropriate to me and was far too close. I said “too close… too close” and he just didn’t get it. The girl from the couple near us came over to me and saved me with a fake smoke break. Brown Eyed Boy definitely thought I left as we watched through the window. Poor guy, like a doe-eyed Bambi. I returned with my blessed new friend that saved me and Brown Eyed Boy and I chugged and got the Hell out of there. God Bless the bartender, too, for only charging us for half our drinks. Go home Jason. You’re drunk. No, I will not have a shot with you.

We went to Five Mile Stone across the other street to have a drink in peace. Discussion included everything from family, work and our band days. I love finding former band nerds, especially fellow brass players. I’ve long retired my French horn but he still plays Trombone from time to time. He has the complete opposite background of me. He is from small town PA and I am from big city Texas. One negative would be his many failed attempts trying to kiss me at the bar. Come on people, let’s me a little more romantic. He definitely fit the “Cool Blue” personality traits from Insights and his voice was very counselor-like. At one point at Five Mile Stone I thought Jason had followed us over there, but it was his mini me with the same thick NY accent that promptly had me turning my head like “whoa.”

I definitely hope to never see Jason ever again but would love to see Brown Eyed Boy for a second date.