Cupid hit hard about two months about when I started talking to McDreamy.

I met probably the nicest, more sincere guy I have talked to in a while. I am not sure how we got matched on OkCupid with him being in Pennsylvania at the time but I am happy I swiped right. The conversation was genuine and inquisitive from the beginning and we have been out about eight times now.

McDreamy is a medical student, hence the name. Also, once I met him, he definitely was dreamy inside and out as a person. At the time we started talking he was back in in PA where he is from between rotations at his hospital on the Hudson Valley. He wasn’t going to be back in New York for about three weeks. This was bittersweet because I was anxious to meet the man behind the words, but it was nice because it gave us a chance to really get to know each other. Text conversations moved into phone conversations and that turned into a set date for February 5th to kick off my birthday weekend. Before we even met we had about two to three dates set. I obviously was nervous and was sure to keep my guard up but it was so refreshing to talk to a guy that would ask me questions, always seemed to say the right thing and was so genuine.

Our first date was idyllic. I felt like I was in the 1950s and all I was missing was being picked up in an old school convertible, but since this is in New York City, we took a stroll instead. HE picked me up at my front door, with a single red rose in hand. We had been “watching” The Bachelor together the past few weeks and the gesture was perfect. He sported a sports coat and nice pants. I was thoroughly impressed and tucked my fears away. We walked eight blocks south to Uva, an adorable Italian restaurant neither of us had ever been to. We had a perfect corner, candle-lit table that was filled with great conversation and tons of laughs. Sadly, I wasn’t feeling 100% well but I toughed up and the hot toddy helped ease my throat so I could talk. He asked me one question at dinner that through me off. Granted, he is in the medical field and actually listened to things I said, but I never mentioned about my dad passing so when he asked “what kind of cancer did your dad pass from?” really struck me that wow, this guy actually cares and is interested in my life. After a delicious meal we went to 16 Handles and I got some Fro-Yo. This was so much nicer than going out for more drinks after dinner, which most guys try to do. The experience and the fro-yo were refreshing.

Since the night went well I invited him to partake in some of my birthday activities for the weekend. He came out the next night on Friday to my game night at E’s Bar on the Upper West Side where he had the pleasure of meeting all of my friends. I was super impressed that he came out knowing that there would be so many people and I wouldn’t be able to 100% devote my time to him. Again, he keeps impressing me. He was super social, which was great to see since we had discussed how he was an introvert and I was an extrovert. And, all my friends really enjoyed his company. Seals of approval from all directions. The night moved over to Brother Jimmy’s, Dorrian’s and ended with him and I at my local Eastside Cantina. He did stay over, but I was determined to wait out for this one since I really liked him.

My birthday weekend continued (from now on, I’m only doing ONE DAY of celebrating) and he met up again for my Sunday Funday festivities after brunch with my closest girlfriends. Sadly, I drank a little too much this day since I had the Monday after, my actual birthday off, and am embarrassed of how the day went. He left late that night and I felt awful since he had a new rotation starting the next day. Also, I wasn’t going to see him for a while since he had a tonsillectomy scheduled for that Wednesday.

When McDreamy first told me about his surgery, after thinking about how much that sucks I thought well damn, there goes my Valentine’s Date. Not soon after that thought crossed my mind when he told me about his surgery (before I even met him) he said how he was bummed that he wouldn’t get to take me out for Valentine’s Day like he wanted. So sweet like those little word heart candies.

That would be the next time we would see each other was February 28th for a belated Valentine’s sushi dinner. He came back down to the city for a fourth time to see me. Since my birthday weekend we texted a lot and I even sent some get-well books. I have scared guys off in the past with presents, but luckily he appreciated them and wasn’t scared off. I felt horrible for this guy the whole while he was recovering because he had so many difficulties. I was excited to see him after he felt well enough and we definitely had a great night with dinner and a movie and a sleep over followed by brunch the next day.

By now, I feel like I still have my guard up but during a retreat I went on the week before my birthday I learned many valuable things but mostly was to be vulnerable and hopeful. I am definitely trying to incorporate those qualities into my life but it is so difficult with the amount of times I have been hurt in the past. I know the adage “what doesn’t kill you make you stronger” but I’m beyond tired of dating countless, careless men that just want to “go get drinks.” I’m so beyond that am just hopeful that I finally found a nice guy I can date.

The weekend after the sushi date, I finally went up the Hudson Valley to see him. I was actually excited to escape the city. The train ride up was just gorgeous along the water and once I got off the train, there he was waiting for me. All along I always pray for signs from God to be sure I am heading in the right direction. On the train was a giant black lab, which McDreamy said was his favorite. Sign.

He picked me up at the train station and we got in his car. Definitely a new thing for me to experience with all my dating escapades in New York City. Naturally, I didn’t buckle up right away and it took me a while to adjust to the environment, but once I did I was quite content. We watched a movie at his place and then went out to one of my favorite restaurants, Bonefish, for dinner. I figured I would take advantage of suburbia while I was there! Dinner conversation and food was delicious and was followed by a beverage at an Irish bar. It was a perfect date night with the driving, kissing, hand holding, etc. When we got back we had some wine while watching a movie with lunch the next day before I headed back to the city.

That was last weekend. He ended up coming down this past Wednesday and things went from an ultimate high to an ultimate low. The high was the fact that he came to Mass with me, which was so important to me, and when kissing goodbye at the train station there was the confirmation that we are not dating other people. The low was that there was too much to drink, not enough food eaten and I was completely selfish in wanting him to stay later than he would’ve liked, which ended up pissing him off. I’m praying that this wasn’t a deal breaker. I wish I could go back to that evening and have just gotton one drink with him and my friend before Mass and then after Mass just the two of us gone to dinner instead of the social after Mass. He completely agreed but hey, can’t turn back time and I need to let it go. Let go and let God.

This past week has been more of an emotional roller coaster and I am not sure if it is going to end in a peak of valley. I feel like I am in a probationary period to see if I am going to get the final rose, however there are no other contestants in this game I’m in. I honestly believe there are more pros than cons in this situation for either party. There were things that pissed me off, too, such as not meeting his friends and ridiculous Facebook antics but I decided to take the high road and discuss these things over the phone rather than text and let me heart race while I awaited a response. He said I was mature to share my feelings but he has reservations. I am hoping those are just a result of a bad night and my getting used to actually dating someone. I haven’t really seriously dated anyone in a while and this is all new to me. He is exactly the type of guy I want and I obviously felt comfortable enough to share my feelings so openly and honestly.

If it isn’t meant to be, then it won’t work out. I truly believe Thy will over my will. I also pray this wasn’t a whole “want what you can’t have” from the beginning where I had my guard up and then once I took it down and reciprocated the feelings that THAT is what would cause his feelings to diminish. I don’t want to make a guy like me but the conversation we had where we shared feelings and thoughts this weekend as well as the Homily at church tonight opened my eyes to a lot of things. I’m looking forward to this Saturday’s date, which will be a concert in Brooklyn, and I am hoping it gets things back on the track they were going and we both can learn forgiveness. My first rose I received from him is now dried sitting on my nightstand. I have hope that it won’t be the last.

“God loves everyone and accepts you for who you are, faults sins and all. His love for you is more powerful than your love for him and he always wants to be with you. He isn’t asking you to change or to better yourself. But, it is the realization of this love that can change you.”