McDreamy texted me Saturday AM, “You left your heart in LA huh,” in regards to my Facebook status of leaving sunshine, warmth and my heart (very vague update) status. After some texts about how it was the warmth I loved, I called to break off whatever we have been doing. I thought about everything and decided it was going to be mutual and I would just be doing the dirty work of bringing it up. Wow, was I wrong! He thought the past week had been going great. He got really emotional and upset on the phone. I’ve never been on this side of things before and didn’t know quite what to do. He clearly had taken us to a whole other level and I was moving backward while he was moving forward.

His reaction caused me to second guess myself so I called/texted back that my phone call was irrational and asked if we could talk in person. He ended up coming over with the intention that we would still go to the concert if the talk went well. The minute he walked in it was a big hug and a little make out session – mostly out of my guilt. I didn’t intend to hurt him. I laid out all my concerns and he seemed obliging. I told him I felt like I was on probation this past week and he apologized. We discussed expectations and he laid it out that he has to study and we can’t spend all weekends together and he can’t entertain me. I told him I’m not a child that needs to be entertained. He also foreshadowed to how he will be gone for a month at a time here for medical school in PA. I said we can just cross that bridge when we get there. Overall the talk went well. I told him how some of his texts came off hard and mean. I told him how him saying his feelings diminished for me kept ringing in my head and I never got anything to validate that his feelings had changed this past week. I honestly thought he wasn’t into me anymore. I kind of mentally checked out myself in LA. He said the fact that I didn’t text him when I got home from LA was odd and I just used an excuse that I got back late. I’ve never been in this situation before so I let us hear each other’s thoughts out and it seemed agreeable enough to see where things go.

We ended up going to the band concert that night and a bar after. We were at Matt Torrey’s in Brooklyn after the concert. I enjoyed some unicorn blood suggested by a friend of his. Crispin cider with wine. Actually tasty. I limited myself to two drinks so he wouldn’t JUDGE me, which I told him I didn’t like. He said if I drank excessively though he would. I ended up going back to the Hudson Valley with him that night just to pass out but was sure to leave right after lunch so he could study. Plus, I wanted to go running and watch TV. I am not sure if I feel 100% myself around him. When he was driving me back in the afternoon to the train station I got scared in the car as he quickly was approaching the rear end of a car on the bridge. He is not a good driver and when I yelled “eeee” he yelled at me to not do that. I don’t like the comfort level of this to where he feels ok to do do that to me. I need to think this one over. For now, we have dinner plans with my ginger best friend and her husband next Saturday. I definitely am anxious to get their feedback about him.

It isn’t fair to McDreamy, LA Guy or myself to have my feelings spread across the country. I prayed for a sign last night at church and know that He will provide me one as he always does. For now though, my head is in NYC and my heart is still in LA. I feel in this case though, it is better and wiser and think with my head over my heart. But, I am going to be the romantic and go with my heart here.

Sometimes there are fleeting moments where we have to decide whether to let them go or to explore. Last week I went to Los Angeles for a work trip. I had no idea when I walked into my client meeting at 11:30 a.m. that one of my fellow coworkers in sales would steal my heart. He had these amazing blue eyes and was just adorable. I couldn’t stop looking over his way during the meeting. Later that evening, I found out he felt the same way. I stepped out of my comfort zone and told him that my rep and I were staying the night at The Beverly Hilton and that he should come out to dinner with us. There were two other sales guys but one was married and one was jetting out the door so I didn’t bother with them. Lo and behold, lets call him “LA Guy,” did! I just kind of took these feelings with a grain of salt.

Dinner and drinks consisted of two sales guys, myself and my high school friend. It was a really fun group. My high school friend who lives in the area was trying to set LA Guy up with her friend. I kept my interests at bay because I technically am dating someone back in NYC, although was already mentally checking out of that relationship. We started with drinks at Bar Bouchon and then went to Sugarfish for dinner (these places are all in Beverly Hills, not far from the hotel). There was a point at Sugarfish where I just completely gave into my crush and childishly played footsies.

The rest of the night, definitely not a blur but definitely full of vodka, was full of shameless flirting on both parties. Me and my sales guys went back to the hotel bar after dinner, then Uber’d back to the area where we had dinner for drinks at Nic’s Martini Lounge, then back to the hotel back for another drink which ended up be taken back to my room with LA Guy. He was so cute throughout the night, trying to kiss me. I tried to not let it happen in front of our other coworker as that was just uncomfortable for me. He just recently got married so I don’t think he minded if we were making out anyway!

We didn’t hook up in my room that night. We just made out and such. 😉 He called our company’s travel agency to try and change my flight to stay the weekend. $1600 was a hefty fee. He told the woman on the phone we were in love but it definitely didn’t help, sadly. We cuddled all night and then in the morning definitely hooked up, a few times. There were just moments where our eyes met and the fact that there wasn’t a drunken hook up was ideal, because when he said “I like you,” I knew it wasn’t the vodka talking. He tried to change my flight again that morning but no luck. He left around 10:30 a.m. (we definitely should’ve been working by then as it was Friday lol). He texted me in a few minutes that he missed me, he told me not to get on my flight and was what I feel genuinely adamant about me staying. I prayed my flight got canceled because of the snow back in NYC, but of course just the flight AFTER mine got the luck of the draw in my opinion.

This was Friday and we have been texting, sending voice messages and pictures since. I;m kind of stuck in my heart because I want to give this a chance. I want to go back to Los Angeles and explore our fleeting moment. He definitely wants me to as well and I was looking at his birthday weekend for next month.

I know this is wild and my feelings are just stuck in the moment but there was a connection when our eyes met that I haven’t felt before. It wasn’t just the sun and the warmth the city had to offer. It was a magical and romantic connection between the two of us. I definitely feel like I left my heart in Los Angeles.