McDreamy texted me Saturday AM, “You left your heart in LA huh,” in regards to my Facebook status of leaving sunshine, warmth and my heart (very vague update) status. After some texts about how it was the warmth I loved, I called to break off whatever we have been doing. I thought about everything and decided it was going to be mutual and I would just be doing the dirty work of bringing it up. Wow, was I wrong! He thought the past week had been going great. He got really emotional and upset on the phone. I’ve never been on this side of things before and didn’t know quite what to do. He clearly had taken us to a whole other level and I was moving backward while he was moving forward.

His reaction caused me to second guess myself so I called/texted back that my phone call was irrational and asked if we could talk in person. He ended up coming over with the intention that we would still go to the concert if the talk went well. The minute he walked in it was a big hug and a little make out session – mostly out of my guilt. I didn’t intend to hurt him. I laid out all my concerns and he seemed obliging. I told him I felt like I was on probation this past week and he apologized. We discussed expectations and he laid it out that he has to study and we can’t spend all weekends together and he can’t entertain me. I told him I’m not a child that needs to be entertained. He also foreshadowed to how he will be gone for a month at a time here for medical school in PA. I said we can just cross that bridge when we get there. Overall the talk went well. I told him how some of his texts came off hard and mean. I told him how him saying his feelings diminished for me kept ringing in my head and I never got anything to validate that his feelings had changed this past week. I honestly thought he wasn’t into me anymore. I kind of mentally checked out myself in LA. He said the fact that I didn’t text him when I got home from LA was odd and I just used an excuse that I got back late. I’ve never been in this situation before so I let us hear each other’s thoughts out and it seemed agreeable enough to see where things go.

We ended up going to the band concert that night and a bar after. We were at Matt Torrey’s in Brooklyn after the concert. I enjoyed some unicorn blood suggested by a friend of his. Crispin cider with wine. Actually tasty. I limited myself to two drinks so he wouldn’t JUDGE me, which I told him I didn’t like. He said if I drank excessively though he would. I ended up going back to the Hudson Valley with him that night just to pass out but was sure to leave right after lunch so he could study. Plus, I wanted to go running and watch TV. I am not sure if I feel 100% myself around him. When he was driving me back in the afternoon to the train station I got scared in the car as he quickly was approaching the rear end of a car on the bridge. He is not a good driver and when I yelled “eeee” he yelled at me to not do that. I don’t like the comfort level of this to where he feels ok to do do that to me. I need to think this one over. For now, we have dinner plans with my ginger best friend and her husband next Saturday. I definitely am anxious to get their feedback about him.

It isn’t fair to McDreamy, LA Guy or myself to have my feelings spread across the country. I prayed for a sign last night at church and know that He will provide me one as he always does. For now though, my head is in NYC and my heart is still in LA. I feel in this case though, it is better and wiser and think with my head over my heart. But, I am going to be the romantic and go with my heart here.