As a background, I met LA Guy while I visited LA March 18th for a work trip. To make that short story even shorty, we hit it off, a night full of kissing, cuddling and in the morning we consummated our crush, soberly. He should’ve started work at around 830a but didn’t leave until shortly after 10a. I never once saw his phone. He tried to change my flight twice so I could stay the weekend. $1600 was a bit hefty. After he left after a countless moment of passion, he texted me about 10 minutes later that he missed me, was falling in love and how I should just not get on my plane. I felt the smitten aspect was 1000% mutual. I got on my plane. Looking back, I wish I didn’t get on it so I could’ve enjoyed that weekend with him because the one I just had did not meet any of my expectations. For weeks we talked on the phone and texted. Conversation was great. Some phone calls were an hour. We realized how we are both dorks and confess that we like each other. The communication exchanged between us led me to believe nothing more than I was falling for this guy and how great a match we were.

Expectations: 

I took a 930p cross country flight. The time finally arrived that LA Guy and I had been waiting for. I was a nervous wreck leading up to the trip and tried hard to stay focused on the plane. He sent me texts about how excited he is to me, lots of kissy emojis. When I landed he had parked his car and was waiting at the base of the escalator with flowers in hand. He didn’t know my favorite color but he chose perfectly with a batch of colorful roses. He semi ran up to him and we kissed, embraced and hugged for what seems five minutes. Finally I was in his arms again. We drive back to his apartment and he points out sights along the way home. Once he get to his apartment we just can’t wait to be together and he pretty much throws me on the couch and we rekindled what we left in LA. After watching some TV with some wine and discussing a possible trip to Peru and cruises we were to bed for round two until we finally fell asleep. I was never more content falling asleep as he spooned me.

Reality:

I took a 930p cross country flight. The time finally arrived that LA Guy and I had been waiting for. I was a nervous wreck leading up to the trip and tried hard to stay focused on the plane. I gave him a call once I landed and it was good timing around 1215a when he said he was just entering the airport. I proceeded out to curbside to meet him in his black Ford Focus. He popped open the trunk for me and I tossed in my Indeed bags and hopped into the passenger seat, beyond excited to see him. He gave me a quick kiss and we heading to his apartment. Along the way home he pointed out scenic things and when we finally got home I got a mini tour and we sat on the couch with some wine and TV. He had his arm slightly around and I was flirty touching his leg. It was late so we decided to go to bed after some talk about a possible Peru trip and cruises. Once we got to bed we finally picked up where we left off in LA. We both agreed how hot it was and went to sleep on our separate ends of the bed.

Expectations:

Happy 32nd birthday LA Guy! I woke up really excited to officially begin our Los Angeles adventure and he woke up excited in more ways than one. After some mutually beneficial morning activities we got ready to head out to Santa Barbara. We packed up our bag and had an enjoyable car ride to Ventura, CA where we stopped for lunch. He took some family birthday calls on the road, which was adorable, but besides that we engaged in conversation getting to know each other better with the occasional red light kiss. After a tasty lunch at Beach House Fish we took a lovely stroll on the pier, hand in hand. It was a gorgeous day and my cheeks already hurt from laughing so much during conversation. We continued onto Santa Barbara and got to our adorable little bed and breakfast, Casa del Mar.

Reality:

April 16th – Happy 32nd birthday LA Guy and good morning with my mouth down south on you. His phone was blowing up all morning from family and friends wishing him a happy birthday. We got ready quickly and hit the road for Santa Barbara. We had the night booked at this adorable bed and breakfast called Casa Del Mar Inn. It would be about an hour and a half drive and we planned to stop at this little beach town for lunch on the water. He wasn’t too chatty in the car but definitely enjoyed the song “Up On a Tuesday.” He had to take a lot of calls and even had a call with his boss. We found two places for lunch and the first one was a bust as we preferred something on the beach instead of a marina. We ended up at Beach House Fish, which was super casual with oversized portions but a delicious bloody Mary. The view was gorgeous over the Pacific Ocean. We then walked down to the pier and back before heading to Santa Barbara.

Our hotel/Bed & Breakfast was at the Casa Del Mar in, which was absolutely adorable. It had a resort feel to it and I loved all the scenery. We more so just dropped our bags before leaving again, and my silly self left all the pamphlets on where to go in the room and didn’t change out my wedges. I guess there was a communication gap because I wasn’t sure exactly what our plan was. We ended up walking to the Santa Barbara Wharf Pier and walked to the Shellfish bar at the end for some ciders and beer where we essentially sat and he played on his phone. I made a comment about this and he apologized. I didn’t realized I was flying to LA to hangout with another iPhone.

I wanted him to pick things to do since it was his birthday and he said to stop saying that, After a few drinks I wanted to check out the Deep Sea Winery for wine tasting number one. We did take a few pictures here as the view was just gorgeous. Again always on his phone. I had kept mine away but at this point wanted to bring it out. Sigh. I’m frustrated at this point. I don’t understand why we haven’t really made out and why he isn’t very affectionate.

We take the trolly up State St., which was a main street, after the wine tasting and get out at Nordstrom and he does a little birthday clothes shopping. We really did look like an adorable couple in our bright colored clothing and the man helping him pick out stuff and getting him a fitting room thought so, too. I played whatever roll I am supposed to play in a dressing room with a guy, which consisted of my handing and folding clothes and providing my opinions, which he took. He and I clearly have different shopping tendencies. I go to Express and spend $200 and get two dresses, five tops and two bottoms. Maybe even some accessories after coupons and discounts. This guy spent $450 on two shorts and three shirts.

After shopping he wanted to go to Rite Aid and proclaimed he had something to tell me. I am thinking he has an STD or something but no, he smokes. I was like “only when you drink?” And he was like “well, I drink every day.” Classy. I have asthma so this is just not ideal! Ironic enough we discuss engagement rings after this. Why he prefers an Emerald cut is beyond me and he also despises halos. Maybe, this should’ve been my 100th sign that he wasn’t right for me because I’m more of a Princess or Oval cut, and like halos. I could definitely tell he was discussing a ring he had picked out for his ex-girlfriend. Seems like she was Harry Winston and I’m more Tiffany’s.

We ended up hitting up two spots for happy hour. Sandbar and Santa Barbara Brewing Company, which were great, but the company could’ve been more exciting. I had to offer information about my life. Tried to discuss my move to NYC, discuss my family, bring up my dad, etc. After all, he wasn’t asking me many questions. We took an Uber back to the hotel where we finally had real sex and then he passed out. After his nap we had dinner at Bouchon. The meal was absolutely amazing. A bottle of wine, French onion soup, beet salad, crab cakes (ahhhhmazing) and then the fish entree. We split everything and it was perfect. Especially the dessert Riesling I got. Well, I paid for his birthday dinner as a gift. $240 with tip – Happy Birthday.

It was a nice time together, don’t get me wrong. Dinner conversation included him definitely not wanting to be tagged on Facebook. He thought I was thinking of other girls not seeing him, well he just didn’t want coworkers to see but I definitely think there is more to it. A lot of coworkers date and no one cares. I don’t understand why he cares so much. After dinner, we went to an opera bar and have one drink, which made him super tired and we took another Uber back and he passes out and says we will fool around in the morning. Like Hell that happened.

Expectations:

Happy 32nd birthday, LA Guy! I was so excited to get our day started! We had a fantastic wake up together and then hit the road for Santa Barbara. The car ride was so fun. Full of laughter and chatter. We were just so excited to talk in person as opposed to on the phone like we had been for the past month. We stopped at this little beach restaurant in Ventura called Beach Fish House where I had a delicious Bloody Mary and then we walked the pier hand in hand.

Our hotel/Bed & Breakfast was at the Casa Del Mar in, which was absolutely adorable. It had a resort feel to it and I loved all the scenery. After settling in *wink wink* we headed out to explore Santa Barbara. We went to the Santa Barabara Wharf Pier for some drinks and some wine tasting at the Deep Sea Winery. After this we just took a trolly up State St., did some shopping at Nordstrom and then drinks and snacks at the Sandbar and Santa Barbara Brewing Company. He was such a gentleman and picked up all the tabs even though it was his birthday. I was already planning on buying him a birthday dinner at a nice restaurant we made a reservation at called Bouchon. The meal was absolutely amazing. A bottle of wine, French onion soup, beet salad, crab cakes (ahhhhmazing) and then the fish entree. We split everything and it was perfect. Especially the dessert Riesling I got. The conversation was just as fantastic as the food and we couldn’t wait to get back to the Casa Del Mar to continue the birthday fun!

Reality:

It’s now Friday morning. I should just list out the things we did without any emotion as that is how the morning felt to me. We woke up and went to straight to the beach at like 10am with some tunes and no talking. After an hour, he is fried and we go back to shower and pack up before grabbing a morning drink. They were big drinks at least. Tasty mimosa. He has a 1:30pm call to take for work so I walk the beach alone and FaceTime my mom. I wrote he an “I heart you” in the sand. I’m too sweet. After his call we met back up to walk to lunch at THe Lucky Penny and then did two wine tastings at Santa Barbara Wine Incorporated and Santa Barbara Winery. He was actually kind of an asshole to our servers. I laughed it off but when the wine server asked us what he did for work, he had the nerve to say we were weed dealers. Lets just say someone else proceeded to pour our wine after that. Then we decide to drive to Ojai which is where the Riesling we had at dinner the night before was we both loved. The drive there was breathtaking through the mountains. I wish we had pulled over to take proper pictures. The wine tasting room was super cute and so was our server. We got three bottles of our dessert wine from the night before and he joined the wine club.

We were going to go to Nobu in Malibu and meet my high school friend but that didn’t happen with timing and all. This ended up being ok since Nobu is so expensive. I did miss the sunset though. I ended up making a reservation at Q for dinner for the two of us in Downtown LA. Dinner was amazing. Omakase, 20 course traditional Japanese style. Many bites were orgasmic. We had a bet going that I would have at least five mouth orgasms and then we would have two more later. Hah. Nope. Dinner ended up being $235 each, plus tip. Kill me. I have never spent this much on food before. Before dinner though, with his friend at a restaurant bar, Spear. Looking back this annoys me even more because he lives right by this guy and I am 3,000 miles away. I definitely didn’t like his friend. We met his friend back at his place, not what I really wanted, after dinner. We end up on his rooftop and his friend makes a stupid remark about an ugly girl he hooked up with from there and I make a comment on why and LA Guy says he had to lay the pipe. I’m sorry, didn’t you turn 32 yesterday? We ended up playing cards for an hour or so. I took the positive route to get to know his friend and him around his friend and was the fun girl but definitely didn’t enjoy myself. I wanted to go to the hot tub back at his place but LA guy continues to get drunk again and we take a $4 Uber back to his place where he proceeds to pass out… again.

Expectations:

It was a glorious day in Santa Barbara filled with laughter, hand-holding and wine. Lots and lots of wine.  We spent the early afternoon at the beach. It was completely peaceful and then we got some brunch at the place near our bed and breakfast. Then we hit up some local wineries before driving to Malibu to meet up with my high school friend where he treated us both to a fantastic meal while we watched the sunset.

Reality:

It’s Saturday morning. There’s still no sex since before dinner on his birthday. There’s still no sparks. Still no passion. Now he is sick. I offer to just lay out at his pool but he says he will come around. We head to Universal Studios and walk around City Walk, which was a bust. No desire to eat at chain restaurants. I’m happy we didn’t spend the money and actually to to Universal Studios though.

We end up going to Hollywood and eat lunch at Pig and Whistle, which well I have in NYC but we were getting hangry at this point. I feel like he is talking to our Uber drivers and servers more than me everywhere we go. The portions are much too big here and I feel like we are wasting even more money. We book a 9:30am tour of Paramount Studios over lunch and then after lunch end up taking a Hollywood bus tour. It drove us around Beverly Hills where we originally hung out. I wish things were the same as when we were there. We see a lot of celebrity houses and awesome views of LA and the Hollywood sign. He was adamant about no pictures with him he is insanely quiet. We leave hollywood and then get back to his place and go to Plan and Check for drinks and a snack. We sit down at the bar and across the bar are two girls sitting. He smiles over there and one of the girls whispers while we sit. I wonder if they hooked up. We have some conversation but while I am talking about something he completely tunes me out and says “what did you say?” I at this point am so over it. He says he was listening to the conversation across the bar. Clearly he isn’t even interested in anything I have to say. I go to bathroom and cry and luckily get a hold of one unfortunate friend. I make myself look normal before going back out but I’m just so hurt that he wasn’t even listening to me. I ended up paying for this Plan and Check excursion since he paid for the tour and lunch. Gee, thanks.

We head to the grocery store after this. He of course heard me say that I would by the ingredients for the dinner we were going to cook as a thank you for having me and since he would be doing all the cooking. $75 later. It’s always been a fantasy of mine to cook with a significant other but this just didn’t take the cake. I even went in for a kiss and a hug and he had the audacity to say “I think you can tell I’m not an affection person.” I don’t want to cause conflict since we still have another day together but I wanted to being up how affectionate he was when I was in LA last month. At least dinner turned out well and it was fun to learn how to cook a new meal. We did chicken cordon bleu, roasted Brussel sprouts and a corn salad. We opened a bottle of the wine from the day and had our dessert Riesling after the meal. It was too late at this point to go to the hot tub so we watch a movie. End up watching a Brad Pitt movie called Snatch. I try so hard to stay awake because I want to sleep with him and in my mind that is what would normally happen our last night together.His excuse was that I wore him out and he was old. He said I can do all the work. I ended up making it happen that night and said how ridiculous it was we hadn’t really had sex but it wasn’t really enjoyable either. He also made an awful suggestion while I was downtown on him to try a different angle and suggested the next guy I was with would like that. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Expectations:

Today was a day to play tourists! We spent the afternoon in Hollywood taking fun pictures with the Walk of Fame and even did a touristy bus cruise tour supposed celebrity homes. After the afternoon in Hollywood, we went grocery shopping and stayed in and cooked a fantastic dinner. He taught me how to cook chicken cordon bleu. We had so much fun cooking together, relaxing, drinking our Santa Barbara wine while watching a movie before having a fun night before bed.

Reality:

Sunday morning we woke up and went to the Paramount Studios tour which was pretty cool. I never realized how many movies were Paramount and how much was actually filmed at the studios. If you saw the picture you would see how thrilled he was to be there with me.

We then drive out to Santa Monica for brunch and then walk like five miles to venice beach. So quiet. So fucking quiet. He kept saying “as you wish” for anything I wanted to do or really said. And he his response when I knew to shut up was “yeah?” This is our last day together and he had a meeting the next day and had to leave that night. He told me this prior to my trip so this wasn’t alarming. However, he said he would take a later flight but that didn’t happen. We got home for him to pack a quick bag to be rushed out with a quick peck goodbye. That moment he walked out of the door I cried because I was able to let it all out that it wasn’t as expected at all. I sat out on his lovely patio and talked to my mom for a while about everything. Luckily I was going to the Spurs game that night with my high school friend.

He called me that night as I was sitting on his couch. He proceeded to ask me if I brought home a random guy. Are we serious? My response is there were no cute Spurs fans, when he said that I sounded concerned that he asked. He then proceeded to thank me for a great weekend and said it was one of the best birthdays he has ever had. He said how much he appreciated everything I did and was happy about how much I got to see and do. Santa Barbara was his favorite part. I suppose I would have to say that was mine, too, even though he worked through a good chunk of it. We say goodnight and I proceed to watch his Netflix and drink wine I paid for.

The next morning I woke up and took my flight home. Luckily my friend gave me some anxiety pills so I got to sleep the whole way. I ended up working from home most of the week I got back since I got sick. Mentally and physically. Being around a smoker exacerbated my asthma and I literally fell into a depression over the weekend not being what I expected. I can’t wrap my head around this. I can’t figure out why there was so much magic and passion in March and pretty much none in April. I can’t figure out what God wants me to learn from this experience. And, I am mad at myself for spending so much money. I never once felt like I was being treated like we were on a date. Maybe all along he was just fucking with me and filling my head with lies. Lies that I turned into some over the top fantasy, thanks to him. The kicker here is that he bought a ticket to come see me in May, so he will be here in less than a month. Since I’ve gotton back I have heard from him a decent amount. I have definitely tried to back off and I can tell the dynamics between us are different. I know I deserve better. I am just sad it didn’t work out.

Expectations:

We woke up early this day to go to Paramount Studios and had so much fun touring the sets and learning more about each others favorite movies and TV shows. Afterward, we went to Santa Monica for brunch and then walked and chilled at the beach. We rode the ferris wheel and a roller coaster before heading back home for the evening to go see the Spurs play the Clippers in game one of the playoffs with my high school friend! The three of us had such a great time. I had an early flight the next day so we called it a night after the game. He drove me to the airport the next morning and after a tearful goodbye but looking forward to seeing each other again in NYC six weeks later I boarded my flight back to NYC. Cheers to fantastic weekend and here’s to looking forward to his visit to NYC in six weeks!