This past weekend I reached a low after being rejected by two guys in one day. I typically handle this well but not one after the other. A Match.com commercial came on and a few of my friends, even the one that met her husband on Match, suggested I try this out. It’s a paid service so the quality should be higher than that of the free swiping apps correct? False. After 18 hours I promptly had my membership canceled and got a refund. I’ll use that $88 toward two Soul Cycle classes as I have better chances of meeting someone while inside a brown paper bag than on Match.com.

There is no way I would tolerate 90 days of this if these are some of the messages I got within 12 hours of having an active profile. See below for your viewing pleasure:

This is probably not his real face I don’t think this one has ever seen a Disney movie. No one talks to a Princess like this: 

Match.com gave me an ice breaker to ask this one about wine tasting. I asked him his favorite red and white. He told me he doesn’t even like wine and then wrote the below. Great way to build the trust.

1. You’re ugly. 2. Why did you even message me? I already know I have a great ass. Literal asshole here: 

Definitely staying dry because you’re doing absolutely nothing to turn me on. 

It is too late to say sorry – for this grammar and awful message.