I Need a MANhattan

The week before Thanksgiving I had a marathon of dates with JC. Four dates in one week, which is aggressive. Again, I was stepping out of my typical type and going for the more intelligent looking type of guy than the sporty all-American. He was very responsive with texts and I enjoyed his initiation of the game of “20 questions” which most likely turned into 200 questions via text and in person. Dates one and two were impressive and I was really into the guy. He was somewhat tall, glasses and endearing. Date one he “picked me up” from church and we went for dinner at Sushi of Gari. I learned of this place from LA Guy and was excited to check it out. We didn’t do the $120 Omikase but we did do three delicious rolls and a bottle of wine. Conversation was flowing along with the wine and I really appreciated how he treked from Jersey City to the Upper East Side to take me out.Little did I know that he was a super trekkie. We got some dessert wine at Pil Pil after dinner and then he walked me home. After some rooftop making out he went back to Dirty Jersey. He didn’t let me pay and was very kind. I honestly would peg this as one of the best first dates I even had.

Tuesday we walked around Bryant Park and went to dinner at a pub in the God-awful Times Square area. It was nice having someone else making the decisions, even though I would never decide to go to Times Square. He initially wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building but I quickly vetoed that. However, while walking around Bryant Park, which was plan B, I noticed the Empire was purple. I was on a roll with my jokes this night, which he referred to as “dad jokes” and commented on how he ordered the Empire to be purple for me. My favorite color. Instead of ice skating, I opted to sit on a swing at the Southwest Porch and drink a beer. Ice skating is not my forte. Drinking however, is. We enjoyed the beers and an occasional brief makeout session until I was turned off when someone told us to get a room. Sorry, you’re just jealous but I really am not the biggest proponent of PDA anyway. The night ended in Grand Central as he headed back to Dirty Jerz and I stayed on my island of Manhattan.

So far all seems so well right? Wrong. Date number three was on a Friday. Jersey City. I am already bummed I am missing a night out with my friends as they are going to a piano bar and I’ve agreed to go to Jersey. Then my sorority sister invited me to a VIP Chase Rice concert. All the signs are pointing to “don’t go to Jersey.” However, I went and immediately when I got off the PATH in Jersey City I break out into hives on my chest. Obviously, we all know you can’t be allergic to a city but you sure can be allergic to dating apparently. I’ve already decided that I don’t want to date someone in Jersey. The commute was a bitch even though Jersey City was cute and reminded me of Astoria. No. Just no.

I walked to his place with my bottle of wine (he has yet to let me pay for anything so I brought wine. No questions asked!). His place was huge and mostly clean. Obviously, less money for more space in New Jersey. Little did I know that all his artwork was of nebulas and galaxies and his necklace that I thought was a crucifix (he said he was a Catholic!) was actually of a Hydrogen atom. This was a little much for me. I like smart nerdy but not nerdy nerdy and I soon discovered we had little in common. Dinner was at another sushi place, in Hoboken, and then we went to a German Beer Hall back in Jersey City. In the Uber to the beer hall I was so excited that thee of my favorite Justin Bieber songs were on. I was jammin’ to them with the Uber driver and JC could’ve been less interested. I think this was the moment he realized we didn’t have much in common. Back at his place we watched Love Actually and fell asleep. There was definitely no sexual chemistry and I didn’t let anything beyond kissing happen. Things just weren’t the same after date three like they were in date one and two. I also felt like maybe was trying to push things too fast. I’m like a snail with dating. I take my time and if you rush into it with me, I’ll crack.

Now it is Saturday and he dropped me off at my Ginger friend’s place in Secaucus and we already planned on him coming to the TCU Football watch party that night. I was kind of excited that he decided not to come but for some reason I suggested a Sunday brunch instead, since we both have raved about brunches. His trekkie self treked back to the Upper East Side for us to get brunch. The bottomless mimosas were ideal. The conversation was not. He had forgotton things we had talked about and I found myself repeating often. He forgot he met my Ginger friend when I mentioned her name and what’s worse, forgot about the fact that I told him on date number three that my Dad had died. We were discussing Google results and he looked up my name. He said “why does this obituary pop up?” In a snarky tone I said how that was my dad. The Google search discussion ended there and that’s when I should’ve walked out to end the date.

It continued though with Starbucks and a walk through Central Park to Columbus Circle. The leaves were beautiful, but the pressured hand holding and make out stops turned me off. I just wanted to hold my hot dirty chai latte. We sat on a bench for a little while that I like to visit during lunch. He really wanted me to come back to Jersey City with him because he wanted to “do things” to me that were inappropriate in the park. Yeah, no. I’m so thankful I never slept with him. We bid adieu and I walked back home. I knew that would be the last time I would see him and that next night after he sent me some odd texts I told him that I had a great week but don’t see things progressing further. I was so relieved when his response was “I agree. Nice knowing you though.”

He ended up reaching out to me twice after this. One to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving and two to inquire about a job at Indeed. I forwarded his resume but don’t foresee that coming to fruition based off his work history. JC was a nice guy with a big family. One of nine kids, worked in IT at a well-known company and was very kind. He just isn’t the boy for me and I hope he finds a girl that is more into Star Wars than Justin Bieber. As for me, someone please order up a Manhattan. I’m sticking to my island where I can’t see the stars or galaxies.

No Chemistry with the Chemist

Sometimes I like to venture out of my typical type of man and give others a chance. A few weeks ago I right swiped The Scientist on Tinder and we went out for drinks at Seamstress on a Friday night. He was bald and not really in a line of work I typically am attracted to. He seemed nice though and was 34 so I figured why not. I met my friends for happy hour prior and then strategically placed them at the bar around the corner from Seamstress. I wasn’t too thrilled about this date and now have learned that Fridays are for Friends and not dates.

The Scientist and I had a decent time at Seamstress on the Upper East Side. He was geographically desirable living in the same neighborhood as I so I much appreciated that. When I walked up he looked a little too eager to meet me. Conversation was decent. It included work, politics and his Doctorate in Chemistry. Thank goodness the cocktails were exciting and delicious because this date was not turning out that way. I told my friends I would send them a certain emoji for a great date, mediocre date and bad date. I ended up sending them to the mediocre emoji and said I was on my way. Because I am a nice person I invited The Scientist, in hopes he would politely decline but his eyes lit up all the way to his bald head to have the chance to hang out with my longer.

Typically I share these dates where I get the short stick but sometimes I hand out the short sticky myself. There were just no sparks and he was a super Liberal and seemed judgemental of my Conservative ways. We had met my friends at Iggy’s Karaoke which was a complete 180 from the romantic cocktail bar around the corner. I offered to buy our drinks here and he seemed pleased at this. He took the tab at the cocktail bar but I was a little disappointed he was so willing to let me take the tab here. I was also disappointed that he claimed he would never do karaoke. I decided I needed to get rid of The Scientist so I told him, after a $60 tab on my behalf, that I was tired and going to go home. I hugged my friends and told them I would be right back. The Scientist insisted on walking me the eight blocks home so I let him. Amidst the walk, he asked permission to hold my hand. I barely held it like a clam. I don’t get how this smart man couldn’t tell I was just not that into him. He may have been a chemist, but there was definitely no chemistry. I did a strategic side hug to avoid an awkward attempt to kiss and thanked him again.

Here is where I become the jerk. Once I got upstairs I changed my tall black boots for my Converse chucks and went to meet my friends back out at Brother Jimmy’s. The Scientist texted that he got home safely and had a great time. He said he loved meeting my friends and hinted at doing it again. I sent a vague message back and fortunately never heard from him again and am still living happily ever after with my friends.

Nightmare on 33rd Street

Another flashback Friday date since I’ve been spending more time with Spencer and the Criminal Minds team than out on new dates lately. In January 2014 I went out on a date with a guy from OkCupid. We will call him Freddy. Freddy and I met up on a cold January weekday night at a speakeasy in midtown called Middle Branch. I was very impressed with his choice! It was a speakeasy and I had not heard of it. He had a reservation for us upstairs so we waited downstairs a few minutes until our table was ready. Before the date he made it known that he was going to “grab a slice of pizza,” which means he isn’t going to be shelling out the dollar bills for dinner. It was too late for me to grab a bite for myself and at this point I was just meeting after work and not going back home to Queens (where I lived at the time). So, I met up for drinks on a empty stomach. Classic.

We probably spent about two hours at the speakeasy discussing all kinds of things from family to careers. I was in a career transition at the time and had just found out I got my exciting new job so I was on a high with that. My personality definitely was overbearing for this poor kid. After about two drinks I was thoroughly bored and he was insistent upon having another one. Probably the most exciting thing he shared with me was that his uncle was a director/producer of scary movies. One, in fact that gave me horrible nightmares as a child. This should’ve been my red flag. The date ended and I got into a cab home. I did not kiss Freddy goodbye nor did I feel like I left an impression on him wanting to hang out again. I was also turned off by the fact that he had me pay half of the bill. It was a speakeasy that he picked out that clearly has expensive beverages. He knew it would be pricey and was the one insistent upon more drinks. Now, I did make one error and I will blame it on the intoxication. I did hold Freddy’s hand across the table. There were no romantic stares to associate the hand holding. Honestly, as I remember it, it was completely innocent. This later came to bite me on the behind.

I tried to give this guy the typical “fade out” where I barely respond to his messages. But, poor guy did not get the hint. And, once I broke it to him that I was “just not that into him” he went a whole different direction. I present the screenshots of the nightmarish texts after a mediocre date that also show that I, too, break hearts.

I sent him a picture of a beer pong table at a house party I was at to show that I was “busy.”