dating

The Boy She Met Online

Of course a majority of the guys I go out with are those from online, but this blog has a special meaning with that title. This guy, Brad, was a little too obsessed with Lifetime Movie Network. After the very nice free building breakfast, I left his place to him watching some twisted Lifetime movie with Alec Baldwin where he is was sleeping with his step daughter. Surprisingly, that wasn’t the last time I saw him. He came out to my after church social where he proceeded to tell me the story of an ex-girlfriend that sounded like a script for a new Lifetime movie where she goes psycho and he sticks around longer than he should.

But, we still talk. He is smart, accomplished, funny and we shared a sad story of lost family members and tattoos memorializing them. He is a lawyer in his mid 30s and has ran more than 40 marathons. He is definitely impressive on paper but I don’t know if that translates into chemistry in person. When we’re together it almost feels like friends. All we’ve done is cuddle and when he cuddles, I am treated like a body pillow. I much prefer to not have someone practically laying on top of me, even though he definitely weighs less than I do.

The first time we met was at Hill Country BBQ. He lived just a few blocks so he came and met my friends and I. We were there for karaoke and it was so sweet how he asked me what I wanted to drink before even meeting me. He showed up with my margarita on the rocks with salt just in time for my friends and I to get up and sing some Dixie Chicks. Great timing, Brad. All my friends really liked him and we parted ways that night as I went home with my best guy friend, James, who I think he was crushing on as well!

The second time we met was happy hour with my coworkers. Cleary I am starting a trend of having him meet all my friends, coworkers and church friends off the bat. We were at Barcelona Bar for a bit with my coworkers before heading to Alfies with my church friend, Ann. She ended up heading to a party and then him and I finally had some time to chat just us. Conversation was fantastic except for the what could also be a Lifetime story about some sublet he had from a guy that lit candles for him. He was witty and funny and three hours into talking I realized I left my work bag with my computer at Barcelona. I never saw anyone get a check so fast. Fortunately he was a marathoner, so we got back to the bar quickly and praise the Lord Barcelona had my bag in the back room. I bought us Republicans as Barack O-Bomber shot – red bull and vodka – to celebrate.

I didn’t see him again until I went over to his place after a drunken night out (where nothing happened) and then after the church event. I’m not completely writing him off. We still chat and he probably doesn’t write me much because he says he knows everything about my from my SnapChat. Yes, I have a snap problem but oh well. I’m hoping we meet again and our story takes more of a Nicholas Sparks turn instead of ending up on Lifetime even though he would still be a boy I met online.

Under the Neon Lights

The majority of this date occurred under the blue neon shot glass at Barcelona Bar in Hell’s Kitchen. After the last date with Mr. 1987, I decided I was taking a break until the new year with new dates and I should’ve stuck to my guns. But, Tall T did an excellent job of keeping in touch for well over two months and made an effort to meet up so I obliged. We started chatting on OkCupid in October and our schedules just never really matched up to meet and then I went to FL.

We made plans to meet up on a Monday night at this place called Matt’s Grill in Hell’s Kitchen, his choice. He picked it because he said it was chill and quiet. I saw it as a local pub, not ideal, but was close to my office. Before the date I got a chair massage at the nail salon and felt guilty because I showed up 10 minutes late. I didn’t think the woman would give me a much needed free extra 5 minutes – so I felt guilty but well refreshed when I arrived at the date. Now this was one of those rare first meetings where the guy actually looks better in person than in his pictures, so I was pleasantly surprised. Tall (6′ 3”), blonde hair and blue eyes (I really need to toss a brunette in the mix here for the next guy!) and 32. But, lives in bum f*** Queens. He was definitely on the quieter side and after one drink I had the impression he wasn’t into me. I guess I was wrong because one drink turned into a second drink and us sharing a snack. My second drink was a dirty martini as I was inspired by the dirty martini on the Matt’s Grill menu and also it was a Monday. I appreciate alliteration.

At Matt’s we discussed family, work and all the typical first date conversations. Religion came up as well and he mentioned that he wanted to get back into the Catholic Church. I told him about the Young Adult Mass that would be occurring Wednesday. I didn’t invite him to go with me but said that would be a great way to ease back into the church with the younger crowd and social afterward. Of course he didn’t come last night.

During conversation after we finished sharing a chicken wrap, I mentioned Barcelona Bar across the street and how it is where my coworkers and I will go after work sometimes. He was intrigued and so we went! Upon arriving at Barcelona Bar (a shot bar), I treat Tall T to his first Barcelona shot – a chocolate covered pretzel. Delicious. Little did we know that Monday night is trivia night! I look at this as a super fun first date. Shots, trivia and games. In between rounds of trivia we would play hangman. Games photographed below:

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Our team name ended up being “T & A” for our initials (and the dirty reference) to satisfy his team name suggestions that weren’t the classiest. The rounds of trivia included nicknames for drugs, which I’m glad to say that we bombed so I know he doesn’t do drugs. He knew “glass” because of Breaking Bad. I’ll allow that. I knew the other 4 out of the 8: marching powder, grass, lucy and x. Definitely wouldn’t be my first round of choice for trivia for a first date but the other rounds were celebrities, word association and playing of songs to name the artist. Unfortunately, they started a musical round while I was in the bathroom. I heard “Material Girls” and was excited to come back and say “Madonna!” but he was standing there CHEATING with Shazam! NOT OK! You cheat on trivia, I bet you’ll cheat on me one day! RED FLAG. I still made the most of the night and trivia but I was pretty turned off at this point.

We shared two pitchers of Bud Light, or should I say I sipped on one glass while he consumed the pitchers. He definitely got drunk and I definitely remained sober. Interesting turn around here. Tall T became much more into me with each drink he took. He kept grabbing my hand to hold and kept trying to kiss me. All this at Barcelona Bar under the neon blue shot glass. No, Tall T, I will not kiss you under a the neon shot glass. Not ok. He walked me to the subway and I allowed a small kiss goodbye. The yellow NQR signs were more appropriate than the neon blue shot glass sign at least.

In the end, “T & A” did not win in trivia or in love.

Basket full of Cheese, Olives and Heartache

What better place to start with a failed “love” story than from the beginning, before I even moved here. Let me preface this story by saying this guy had absolutely no influence on my move here. Many can attest I was already planning my leap of faith. Plus, we stopped talking for a while months before I moved here and made the decision to do so.

It was the Summer of 2012 and I was visiting a college friend with my Biffles from Tampa. After a ridiculously awesome day with friends, I ended up at Jake’s Dilemma on the Upper West Side with my college friend. He left me to go meet up with some of our other friends but I stuck around because I had met “Picnic Guy.” He was tall, blonde hair, blue eyes (I am noticing a trend in my type here with the hair and eye colors…) and he worked in finance down on Wall St. He was with a group of friends and he started talking to me by saying I reminded him of McKayla Maroney from the USA Olympic team. We really hit it off!

After the bar I went back to his friend’s house with him and we made out, that’s it, promise! The next day I was going to the Yankees Red Sox game but he wanted to see me before I left on Sunday. Before I flew out on Sunday, he took me on a picnic at Sheep’s Meadow in Central Park. I appreciated my friend letting me go on a date! She did some damage in Soho while I enjoyed some wine, cheese, olives and PDA in the park.

Once I got back to Tampa, “Picnic Guy” and I would text daily and sometimes even do video chat. I was SMITTEN! I even ignored Tampa boys because I was so hooked on this guy, which was completely stupid of me. Every Taylor Swift Song reminded me of him. I probably could make every song on the Speak Now CD relate to him.

After texting for a few months he ended up coming to Tampa in October for a bachelor party. This is where things went from completely perfect to completely awful. The bachelor party was going on a deep sea fishing party and since he claimed he got sea sick, him and I had a beach day! It was a perfect afternoon at the beach just relaxing and enjoying each other’s company in the sun. My crush grew even more! After some sunshine and playful flirting in the water we went back to the bachelor pad condo where I felt it was appropriate to accept his moves to take things further. We had been talking everyday for months. Of course, looking back, I realize how much I was played. Of course the talk of meeting out when the boys were out one night in South Tampa did not happen because they ended up at a strip club and bringing strippers back to the condo (which, I find absolutely disgusting). He drunk dialed me at 5 a.m. that night and told me about their pimp getting in a fight with one of the boys but who has time for that? I saw him one more time while he was in Tampa, which included me having to awkwardly meet the whole bachelor party (did not realize this upon my going over there and would not of gone had I known because I’m not about crashing a bachelor party – I respect the tradition (not the strippers) and boys time) and the boys, and I do mean BOYS, taking my phone in a room and having a photo session with their balls and behinds. I’m surprised my camera lens didn’t crack on my phone!

After he got back to NYC the conversation faded away and was completely gone by Halloween. This lead to me hysterically crying over him in my Monster costume and drunk dialing and yelling at him. I felt he deserved it. I felt played. And, I felt like I had a lot of vodka. No denying I had my crazy moment. Don’t all girls?

Fast forward to the Summer of 2013. Fate brought “Picnic Guy” and I back together on my third day of living in the city. And by fate, I mean my texting him that I had moved here. I made a point to not be too physical with him, and even told him I wanted to take things slow and date to see what happens. We hung out about once every two months or so. Unfortunately, all our meetings mostly included whichever apartment I lived in at the time or his. We did have a nice date on the Upper West Side (and by nice I mean Brother Jimmy’s so don’t get excited) and then for his birthday in September he ventured out to my studio apartment in Astoria. I got him a bottle of Tito’s Vodka, which we drank before going out for a nice Italian dinner, which he paid for. Happy Birthday.

I ventured to his place in Hell’s Kitchen (so appropriate as our relationship had gone to Hell in a hand basket) a few times throughout the year as well. He kind of became my DD (Designated Dick). It wasn’t until we were out in his neighborhood at Rumor’s where I tried to bring up the dreaded “talk.” He was upfront and said he didn’t want a relationship (or he was already in one…). A 35-year-old man that owns an apartment in NYC and has a stable job doesn’t want a relationship. Scratch your balls on that!

I started to get bored with him over the next few times we hung out and then when he had to move to Jersey when he was renovating his apartment, conversation definitely got sparse. This Halloween I texted him to see if he wanted to come meet up since I was going to be out in his neighborhood. If anything we grew a friendship over this time and it would’ve been nice to see him. He never made it out to the bars of course, but insisted I come over. I definitely did not want to sleep with him and definitely did not want to pay for a cab or surcharged Uber back to the Upper East Side (too intoxicated and too late for the subway). Plus, he had recently renovated his apartment so I wanted to check it out. I went over at 3:30am, his place looked amazing for sure! He wanted a kiss so I obliged that, and that was it. I then proclaimed how tired I was so proceeded to pass out and in the morning when we woke up I was actually a bit stuffed up from his excessive humidifier so I used that as my way out right away in the morning. I took my cupid wings from my costume and flew on out! This was the second time I stayed over without sleeping with him and I am going to make it the last.

This has been going on for almost 2 1/2 years and he is now 35. In the beginning, I was so into him that I had us dating in my head but the more we hung out the more I realized this was just a “special friend” situation, DD. I changed my attitude 180 degrees on him when he actually took me out for a drink at Rumors as mentioned and he stated how he did not want a relationship. It’s OK “Picnic Guy,” I understand that you just never wanted a relationship… with me.

Good Date. Bad Timing.

Saturday I took another arrow from OkCupid and went out with another musician. This time, a part-time drummer and future full- time doctor. He wants to be a pediatrician. Those who know me know my dislike for children. Props to him for wanting to deal with crying kids all day. He was an average height, blonde hair, blue eyed 26-year-old from a big Greek family. Oldest of six! Another one good on paper! Our date was at Le Parisian in Kips Bay. Adorable little French brunch place.

But, remember he is a “future” doctor and not currently one. I appreciate the ambition and definitely a desirable career but I have had many friends go through their residency and fall off the face of the Earth. Hence, prefacing this date as “good” but with “bad” timing. He doesn’t even know where he will be doing his residency, which starts in six months, so I’m 100% skeptical to get involved as more than friends with this one. Just trying to steer clear of future problems better than Captain Smith of the Titanic.

Overall, conversation was enjoyable enough to continue onto Cask next door for one more beverage before going our separate ways. I had a bag of purple pom poms and college football to watch. Priorities folks. I think my favorite part of the conversation was when we both discussed how our Grandmothers would cook lamb and the different ways to cook it. Then he lost his train of thought and I just rambled “Mary had a little lamb” and “Lambchop” references. He said that is a tendency of schizophrenia. I was just playing some word association to help him regain his train of thought. I am completely sane but it is still funny though. He tried to kiss me at the bar. I appreciated the initiative but I didn’t feel the moment was right for a “first kiss” at a bar ar 3:30 in the afternoon. Cheesy sounding enough that I should have had some cheese with my wine at Cask I suppose. If he asked me out again I would definitely consider, but proceed with caution. He actually will be in the same city as me over the weekend after Thanksgiving so he mentioned meeting up there. We will see how the schedules match up and if there is a second date with “Dr. Drums.”

Starting this weekend, I will be in the Sunshine State for two weeks and then Christmas is here before you know it. I personally am annoyed when someone takes me on a date before they leave for an extended period of time so I plan on extending common courtesy to the male population for now. Tis the season to put dating on the back burner and cookies in the oven instead. Holiday cheer will be maintained by some entertaining stories I have accumulated from my first year of dating in NYC. Perhaps have the sugar cookies already made though because there is nothing sweet about these stories.